Pucker Up, Mogadore, OH Police and Wayside Furniture Warehouse

Recently my wife and I purchased a new mattress from Wayside Furniture in Akron, OH. I was pleased with the fact that we were purchasing a locally made product for a reasonable price. That's pretty much the only thing that pleased me about the experience.

The charge to have the mattress delivered was knocking on $50's doorstep, so I opted to borrow my father's pickup to bring the mattress and box springs home. Dad keeps a cap on his truck, so I asked the salesman how wide the mattress was. Five feet, he said.

So we paid customer service and headed off to get the truck. I measured the opening in the truck bed and it was just a hair over five feet. Thinking all is well, my wife and I drove back to Wayside's warehouse in Mogadore, OH. It turns out that a queen size mattress is about five feet, six inches wide. Way to wide to fit in the truck with the cap on.

Luckily, I had plenty of rope, so I started lashing the thing on the top of the truck's cap. More than once I heard giggles from the warehouse staff and my wife spotted a pair of Mogadore police chuckling as well. Looking back on things, I wish that I'd placed a few bets on my knots. We made the drive home just fine and didn't even have to hang onto the thing out the window. The mattress and box springs didn't budge an inch.

And now all of you folks that were laughing can pucker up and kiss my red arse.

Sick of Disclaimers

On most occasions, before starting a rant of this nature, I'd say something like "I'm not racist, but..." or "I like minorities but..."

Not this time. I'm sick of it. I look at everyone in the same light. If a person is deserving of criticism, I will openly state that opinion regardless of their race. Equality is the ultimate goal of these anti-racism campaigns, isn't it? I've said it before and I stand by it. Equal rights are not special rights.

That in mind, this garbage over Michael Richards is nothing but media fueled bullshit. Every time I come across Chris Rock on stage, he's trashing "rednecks" and "crackers." Nobody gets fired up over that, me included. Why? Because he's a comedian and there has to be a target to every joke. I'd say that my gun toting, jeep driving farmer tanned ass falls pretty strongly into the "redneck"category, but you don't see me demanding an apology every time someone uses that word.

Don't even think about starting with the trash about "nigga" vs. "nigger," either. You don't hear white people calling each other "crackas" do you? The "N-word" was used by slavers you say? No, that doesn't work either. Many Europeans were taken to Africa to be enslaved at around the same period. This is a long read, but you only need to get into the first few pages to get the point. If that doesn't work for you, I'd like to point my readers to what many people claim to be the origin of the slur "honky." See number 11. I would think that being referred to as the customer of a prostitute who also lacks sufficient testicular weight to allow himself to be seen should be viewed as offensive also, but nobody throws a fit over the use of the "H-word."

In short, I agree that racism is something that should not be tolerated. It should also be a two way street. A white comedian should not be chastised by attention grabbing media whores for using racial slurs while comedians of other races do the same thing with no fear of consequences.

Media Player Madness

I had to set up a PC from scratch today, so I thought I'd take a moment to introduce any members of my scant audience to a piece of software that can make the task of setting up the many different media codecs out there much less painful.

The traditional method is to download quicktime from apple.com, then go get *shudder* realplayer from real.com, divx from divx.com, and so on. In summary, it's a big pain in the arse. After that's done, you have to deal with memory hogging apps that run in the background after installation, not to mention the seemingly constant updates. If that wasn't bad enough, realplayer has been known to report "usage data" to the Department of Homeland Security, several different ad spewing websites and Hillary Clinton's mother.

The fix is to install the K-Lite Mega Codec Pack from www.free-codecs.com. This installer will add every codec that the average user will need, along with a nice, lightweight media player called Media Player Classic. There are even plugins for Mozilla Firefox and IE (if you're the kind of sicko that runs such a browser). The nice thing about MPC other than the fact that it will play anything from a DVD to the most obscure audio files is that it won't do funny things like connect to an ad tracking website, or bug you about updating to the latest version, which also requires some kind of "Genuine Advantage Check."

I'd recommend uninstalling any other codecs you've installed before running the K-Lite package. It's not a requirement, but could save you some greif.
Other than that, it's a painless "next, next, next, finish" type of install.

More Catching up

Rant Topic #2: The New Jeep
After reading all kinds of praise about the new Jeep Wrangler, I thought I'd go test drive one (Not that I could afford it). I was afraid that the model would go soft with this latest update, but that was not so. There is still a sturdy frame and suspension underneath with a pair of solid axles and a sturdy drive train. The heart and soul of this thing is still a Jeep.

The four door model that I drove looks like a jeep from the front and the back and like a hummer from the side. While I think the extra cargo space would be nice, in my mind a real Jeep in the spirit of the original Willys flatfender only has two doors. There were no two door models on the lot, but the pictures I've seen look fine.

And now for the ranting. As the salesman walked back with the keys, I heard the whirr-clunk of electric locks opening, which nearly cost me a pair of boxers. Electric locks do not belong in a Jeep. Anything electric needs to live high up or behind the dash where it won't be subjected to water on a regular basis.

I turned the key and watched the gauges and dash lights come alive. The engine is so quiet that I wasn't sure it was running until I revved it a bit. The 3.8 V6 stolen from the Chrysler Mini-van line was not impressing me already. You rev a 4.0L inline six and the vehicle will bob to the right noticeably. Even just a little tap on the pedal and you can feel the low rpm torque working. This new V6 is a turd, to put it plainly. I popped the six speed manual gearbox into first and eased the clutch out without giving it any gas. The turd under the hood sputtered and almost died. The same process with the old 4.0 would have started the vehicle off to a crawl and even idled up a small hill.

As we drove around the salesman's chosen loop, I noticed that the suspension was quite a bit softer than the TJ Wrangler that it replaced. It's a very nice ride, but not what I look for in an offroad vehicle. I'm sure that it's a tough suspension, but I don't see how it could possibly be as strong as the old one.

The engine continued to disappoint throughout the short drive, as we climbed a hill in third gear, I goosed the throttle a little bit. This would lurch a 4.0 into a strong, steady acceleration, but only made the V6 sputter and wheeze.

All in all, I like everything about the new Wrangler except the engine. Unfortunately, the engine is a pretty major component in a vehicle. If they release the model with the old 4.0 (doubtful) or perhaps a decent diesel (likely) I'd consider one. There's rumors afoot of a V8 model, which I feel would be a waste. A vehicle like this needs an engine that produces large amounts of torque at low RPM, which is exactly what Chrysler got rid of. Good job guys.

I should throw in, for those who aren't familiar with Jeep history, that this is the first time Chrysler has really designed their own Jeep. The 4.0L engine was build by AMC in 1987 for the Cherokee. I used to own one of that year and put nearly 200k miles on it before I sold it and bought my '02 Wrangler. The TJ (1997-2006) Wrangler used the Cherokee's suspension and the 4.0L engine. All Chrysler did was design a new body and frame. The YJ (1987-1995) was nothing but an AMC CJ-7 with different bodywork involving ugly square headlights.

Catchup Ranting

So, yeah. I've been a bit busy getting a new job and whatnot, but I've got it pretty much smoothed out now, so your regularly scheduled ranting shall continue.

Rant Topic #1: Week Late Election Opinion
Let's start with the smoking ban. I was very much on the edge about this one. On one side, I absolutely hate being around smokers and on the other, I absolutely hate government controls. In the end, I have a strong belief that a citizen of the USA (illegal immigrants excluded) should be able to do anything he or she wants, so long as it does not infringe on the health and rights of others. To that end, I feel awful infringed when I have to breathe somebody else's dirty cigarette smoke.

As far as the election, I'm not crazy about Ted Strickland, but we could do much worse. As for the House, I'm fairly happy with the results, having enough of a mix of reds and blues that things won't get too one sided. Kucinich gives me the willies when he speaks, but he's the only one I have issues with. I was disappointed with the Senate results, mostly because Brown is a liberal hippie and they scare the piss out of me.